Common Tech Support Humor You May Know Already

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
   
2. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
   A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.
   
   After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
   
4. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user has also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
5. True story from a Novell Net Wire Sysop:
   
   Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
   
   Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
   
   Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
   
   Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
   
   Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
   
   Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
   
   Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
   
   At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
6. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
   
   Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
   
   Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
   
   Customer: "What do you mean?"
   
   Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
   
   Customer: "I'm Not going to do that!"
   
7. Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"
   
8. I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
9. Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay, and it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two computers connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to see if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No carrier,' on my screen. What's wrong?"

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